Post by Lord Terentius on Jan 10, 2003 8:28:52 GMT -5
When I was a kid adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious
diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with
walking twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill both ways through
year 'round blizzards carrying their younger siblings on their backs to
their one-room schoolhouse where they maintained a straight-A average
despite their full-time after-school job at the local textile mill where
they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from
starving to death! And I remember promising myself that when I grew up
there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on
kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it! But....Now that
I've reached the ripe old age of twenty-nine, I can't help but look around
and notice the youth of today. You've got it so fuckin' easy! I mean,
compared to my childhood, you live in a goddamned Utopia! And I hate to
say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it! I mean,
when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet--we wanted to know something,
we had to go to the goddamned library and look it up ourselves! And there
was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter--with a pen!--and
then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the
fuckin' mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! And there were
no MP3s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to go to the
goddamned record store and shoplift it yourself! Or we had to wait around
all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the
beginning and fuck it all up! You want to hear about hardship? You
couldn't just download porn! You had to bribe some homeless dude to buy
you a copy of "Hustler" at the 7-11! It was either that or jackoff to the
lingerie section of the JC Penney catalog! Those were your options! We
didn't have fancy shit like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and
somebody else called they got a busy signal! And we didn't have fancy
Caller ID Boxes either! When the the phone rang, you had no idea who it
was it could be your boss, your mom, a collections agent, your drug
dealer, you didn't know!!! You just had to pick it up and take your
chances, Mister! And we didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation videogames
with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like
"Space Invaders" and "Asteroids" and the graphics sucked ass! Your guy was
a little square! You had to use your imagination! And there were no
multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could
never win, the game just kept getting harder and faster until you died!
Just like LIFE! When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as
stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! A tall guy sat in
front of you, you were screwed! And sure, we had cable television, but
back then that was only like 20 channels and there was no onscreen menu!
You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on!
And there was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on Saturday
morning... ...D'ya hear what the fuck I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL
WEEK, you spoiled little bastards. That's exactly what I'm talking about!
You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled, I swear to God! You
guys wouldn't last five minutes back in 1984!
diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with
walking twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill both ways through
year 'round blizzards carrying their younger siblings on their backs to
their one-room schoolhouse where they maintained a straight-A average
despite their full-time after-school job at the local textile mill where
they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from
starving to death! And I remember promising myself that when I grew up
there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on
kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it! But....Now that
I've reached the ripe old age of twenty-nine, I can't help but look around
and notice the youth of today. You've got it so fuckin' easy! I mean,
compared to my childhood, you live in a goddamned Utopia! And I hate to
say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it! I mean,
when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet--we wanted to know something,
we had to go to the goddamned library and look it up ourselves! And there
was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter--with a pen!--and
then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the
fuckin' mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! And there were
no MP3s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to go to the
goddamned record store and shoplift it yourself! Or we had to wait around
all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the
beginning and fuck it all up! You want to hear about hardship? You
couldn't just download porn! You had to bribe some homeless dude to buy
you a copy of "Hustler" at the 7-11! It was either that or jackoff to the
lingerie section of the JC Penney catalog! Those were your options! We
didn't have fancy shit like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and
somebody else called they got a busy signal! And we didn't have fancy
Caller ID Boxes either! When the the phone rang, you had no idea who it
was it could be your boss, your mom, a collections agent, your drug
dealer, you didn't know!!! You just had to pick it up and take your
chances, Mister! And we didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation videogames
with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like
"Space Invaders" and "Asteroids" and the graphics sucked ass! Your guy was
a little square! You had to use your imagination! And there were no
multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could
never win, the game just kept getting harder and faster until you died!
Just like LIFE! When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as
stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! A tall guy sat in
front of you, you were screwed! And sure, we had cable television, but
back then that was only like 20 channels and there was no onscreen menu!
You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on!
And there was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on Saturday
morning... ...D'ya hear what the fuck I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL
WEEK, you spoiled little bastards. That's exactly what I'm talking about!
You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled, I swear to God! You
guys wouldn't last five minutes back in 1984!
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.